In the beginning, God created earth and rested.Then
God created man and rested. Then God created woman.Since then, neither
God nor man has rested. ====================================================================== If your dog is barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up
after you let him in! ====================================================================== A man placed some flowers on the grave of
his dearly departed mother and started back toward his
car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to bepraying with profound intensity and kept repeating,
"Why did you have to die?Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to interferewith your private grief, but this demonstration
of pain is more than I'veever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply?
A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself,
then replied, "My wife'sfirst husband."====================================================================== Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the
man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbors listen. ====================================================================== A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw
in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the
well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then
smiled "It really works!" ====================================================================== A man said his credit card was stolen but
he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his
wife did. ====================================================================== First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." ====================================================================== A couple was having a discussion about family
finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't
for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't
for your money, I wouldn't behere." ====================================================================== Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman
he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent. ====================================================================== A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how
much does it cost to getmarried?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son,
I'm still paying for it." ====================================================================== Women are unpredictable.Before marriage, she
expects a man. After marriage she suspects him.After death
she respects him. ====================================================================== There was this guy who told his woman that
he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her.They got married
- and now he is going thru hell. ====================================================================== A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds
: " Wife wanted". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine." ====================================================================== When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife, you can be sure ofone thing: either the car is new or the wife is... ====================================================================== It's easy to tell if a man is married or not... Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting
beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can
be sure he is married. ====================================================================== A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to
send us $100,000, we promiseyou we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, "I am afraid I can't
keep my promise but I hopeyou will keep yours." ====================================================================== "What's the matter, you look depressed.""I'm
having trouble with my wife." "What happened?""She said she wasn't going
to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy.""It did,
but today is the last day." ======================================================================
